Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Gimme an E, Gimme a K, Gimme an EKG

A woman knocked on the door. Her feet were dirty from having walked around the city all day in sandals. If you need to urinate, she said, let me know. She was from the insurance company; I didn't need to urinate. I offered her a glass of water that she didn't want, and we pulled out chairs.

Can you do it now?
she asked. I nodded blankly. She handed me a cup and two small test tubes. Pee in the cup, she said, then pour into the test tubes.

C. was in the backyard, not smoking, just watering plants. Afterwards, she wired me up to take a look at my ticker. C. came in to get a picture (notice our newly painted walls: Sag Harbor Gray). The machine was uncomfortably silent. Does it look normal? I asked when she was done.

You're pregnant, she said. It shouldn't look normal. Looking normal would be abnormal.

Oh.


When she left, she gave me a bag labeled MEDICAL WASTE to throw away. Don't worry, she said. It's nothing. I sat it in the trash among Popsicle sticks and peach pits then went and washed my own feet in the basin of the shower. They too were filthy.

9 comments:

little miss mel said...

An EKG house call? What was the reason? All good?

The only person who's come to my house to take my blood and blood pressure is the life insurance lady. :)

Nicole Callihan said...

All's good. Yep, the life insurance lady. She'll strike anywhere to make sure there are no pre-existing conditions!

Anonymous said...

Nicole,
You nearly gave me a heart attack when I saw this. This is an EKG of a patient having a myocardial infarction. When I first saw it, I was scared to death. All your little comments added to it; Cody taking a picture, the ladies comments about abnormal being normal. TO ALL: This is not Nicoles EKG!!!

Nicole's MOM

Nicole Callihan said...

Oh mama, I'm sorry! It was just me getting google image happy! Fortunately, you're one of the only people I know who could read an EKG to know that it was a myocardial infraction. Love you and sorry I scared you!

Andrea Luttrell said...

Why did they come to your house? Weird!!!

Linsey said...

YOWZA!!

Nicole Callihan said...

Yowza is right! I think the most frightening part of the whole picture is how white my belly is! I look oddly fish-like!

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